Believe for More Courage

Today I ask for more courage for Day 5/10 of my IV Ketamine Therapy.

I ask because sometimes its easy to focus on the present suffering. Its easier to believe the experience in my mind is always true. Oh how many times did that thinking fail.

I will TAKE the courage already gifted to me. I choose to believe everything I need is already there...waiting, a part of me, a gift from God.

Wherever my eyes go, my mind follows. Today, I will look up and have a sky experience.  My pain will not rule this day.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
By Marianne Williamson

Reflecting...

When I was almost one year old, I broke my leg jumping at my mother out of the crib. I spent my first birthday in traction in the living room. It was a Raggedy Ann theme. ( Yes, I have an amazing memory ;-) My mother tells me after the cast came off I would sit in the kitchen leaning against my 3 year old sister. It was the only way my weakened body could be upright. As I was learning how to walk my sister again was my biggest supporter. I sit in the quiet now reflecting. You held me up with your body. Back to back ... I sit. Back to my back... I stand. Back to back...I walk. Your strong back offered against my weakened back created joy for both of us. I think we learn to strength through surrender. We learn to lean in against one that loves us even greater. Through surrender healing comes. Joy builds. Throughout my life I have experienced times I could feel her backbone stronger than mine. She was 2 years older and till we were 19 , the distance seemed like forever. Who would be taller? Who would have the first kiss? Who would have the first child? Who would end up sick?... screeching halt. No. That's not something you ever consider from the beginning. It's inconceivable. And it would be me. The way my sister chose to walk with me during my heartbreak and illness was to listen to the depths of my heart. I could talk on and on and she would listen and find the good. She entrusted me to write a musical with her 3 weeks before one of my surgeries. It helped me to laugh.. to get through ... to be distracted... to move forward...and she wrote the most beautiful meditative music out of my freedom words. And I write my own now and sing and fly... I listened when I was leaning in... and the notes come...effortlessly. She sings like an angel... because she is one. An enduring sisterhood, still growing. From 3000 miles away we have spent the last 18 years attempting to continue the gardening of our lives side by side. Not always perfectly seeing where the other is walking, but always willing to have an open heart... we remain close by surrendering expectation some days, always hoping for the best for each other. I love to see her in my children. I love to be Auntie of hers... The overwhelming affection that she bestows on those around her is breathtaking. In her life wherever she roams...it's always Spring. Happy birthday dear sister, Spring. May we one day share a garden and neighboring porches. You are welcome in my yard everyday... wuv you Pez.